doesn’t really come with age or the things that you can do.
Sometimes it is choosing not to do it even if you can. And if you did something you shouldn’t? that doesn’t make you immature by default … its owning what you did and taking responsibility for it.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
loosing...
feels like im loosing my best friend, my soulmate, the love of my life and possible future happines...
all at the same time...
all at the same time...
Sunday, November 28, 2010
80-20
There could never be a perfect relationship.
A very good friend once told me about this 80-20% . There will always be this 20% characteristic from your partner that you really cannot stand – for them having this, or not having this. And then there’s this 80% that made you fall for them…
With the 20% , its either you get it from somebody else, something else or just bear with it.
If it is as simple as a habit that can be changed, or improved or if it is something really tolerable then you could be a one happy couple.
But if it is something that defines your whole being, which will eventually, dictate your future and the future of your relationship…. A lot of thinking should be made….
Is the 20% so worth it for you to give up that 80% you already have?
A very good friend once told me about this 80-20% . There will always be this 20% characteristic from your partner that you really cannot stand – for them having this, or not having this. And then there’s this 80% that made you fall for them…
With the 20% , its either you get it from somebody else, something else or just bear with it.
If it is as simple as a habit that can be changed, or improved or if it is something really tolerable then you could be a one happy couple.
But if it is something that defines your whole being, which will eventually, dictate your future and the future of your relationship…. A lot of thinking should be made….
Is the 20% so worth it for you to give up that 80% you already have?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
which is it?
People commit themselves into a relationship to discipline themselves and not be carried away nor indulge in the cheap thrills. But why do they still find themselves amused by somebody else aside from their partner? Is it because they are always not contented and wanted more. Is it because they are sick of an incurable disease of infidelity. Or is it just simply because they aren’t really meant for each other?
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
N.F.F. (New Found Friend) has now a new meaning...
We met at a birthday party. At first, she reminded me of an old someone (let's just leave the term at that!). We both caught each others' attention by using our magic charm - humiliating ourselves just to make the people laugh. For a couple of hours, we had our chance to be the life of the party.
After a few e-mails of silly willies, a chat until dawn and, an endless talk over cup of tea... I found myself absorbing all these intense emotions that have been longing to come out. It seems like her entire being flashed on my face. Later did I know that the silence I speak gives her so much comfort, that it actually brought her feelings back. She was alive once again.
But these feelings of hers were of the past, and it has been decided that it should never came back. I somehow served as her “flashback of the feelings – machine”. It’s just that it feels good to reminisce that once in her life, she was able experience those moments.
All along I though I was just the only one who was giving in this New Found Friendship. As what she always says, I thought it’s a one way street. But today, as I start writing again, I realized that I was gaining something big from her too… that it isn’t a one way street. I was inspired by her story. She inspired me so much, that I came to realize that it is the time for me to take this big step that will surely make or break every important relationship with the people I value the most.
I brought her ‘once had feelings’ back. And she brought me the feeling of “its time”, which is absolutely huge and new for me.
I’m glad we found these new feelings.
We are indeed an NFF – a New Found Feeling.
After a few e-mails of silly willies, a chat until dawn and, an endless talk over cup of tea... I found myself absorbing all these intense emotions that have been longing to come out. It seems like her entire being flashed on my face. Later did I know that the silence I speak gives her so much comfort, that it actually brought her feelings back. She was alive once again.
But these feelings of hers were of the past, and it has been decided that it should never came back. I somehow served as her “flashback of the feelings – machine”. It’s just that it feels good to reminisce that once in her life, she was able experience those moments.
All along I though I was just the only one who was giving in this New Found Friendship. As what she always says, I thought it’s a one way street. But today, as I start writing again, I realized that I was gaining something big from her too… that it isn’t a one way street. I was inspired by her story. She inspired me so much, that I came to realize that it is the time for me to take this big step that will surely make or break every important relationship with the people I value the most.
I brought her ‘once had feelings’ back. And she brought me the feeling of “its time”, which is absolutely huge and new for me.
I’m glad we found these new feelings.
We are indeed an NFF – a New Found Feeling.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Postcripts To A BloodBath - Bang Lu Min Survivor, Quirino Bloodbath
Postcripts To A BloodBath
Mr. Mendoza was already upset even before he saw on television what the policemen did to his brother. The other tourists who remained inside the bus were complaining. Wei Ji Jiang wanted to go to the bathroom. Dao Chi Yu was hungry and the rest were just groaning and whining like they have forgotten that our lives rest in Mr. Mendoza's hands.
The hostage taker, as you know him was really nice. He treated us okay and even let the elders and the children leave the bus. He said your policemen treated him unfairly. He was a policeman too and was accused of doing something he had no knowledge of. But your government didn't listen so he used us to get everyone's attention.
Things would have never turned for the worst if he didn't see how his family was dragged out of their house and taken into custody. He was watching the news all the time as we huddled around each other behind the bus. He shouted some words in your language then started shooting in the air. A girl about my age started screaming. Mr. Mendoza demanded her to stop but she didn't understand English. God, he had to slash her neck with a knife just to put her to rest. Her boyfriend who tried to hit him was shot in the head.
Tension was rising. You can see in his face how scared and confused he was. The bus driver ran away leaving him alone with strangers from a distant land. I can see him walking across the aisle, sometimes pointing his machine gun to one of the tourists. But he tried his best not to hurt us, especially those who really cooperate.
I guess its in your nature not to inflict pain on others unless it was necessary. I remember him saying that he will free us before sundown and implored us to forget everything when we return home. But his words don't matter now. The policemen were trying to force their way in, while we all lied down to shield ourselves from bullets. Mister Mendoza blindly shoots at his enemies which I think kept them from rescuing us. I hear sobs under the chairs. Some were even shouting the names of their loved ones even when the air merely eat their words. Kevin Tang tried to escape when the glass door was was shattered, but one shot and he slumped on the floor with blood gushing from his mouth.
Heavy rain pitter-pattered on the rooftop. In old Chinese saying, it means an end to a struggle. Finally, somebody was able to open the escape hatch at the back of the bus. Freedom. But I knew Mister Mendoza was still alive. I knew he was just waiting for a chance to strike back at his enemies. So I told those around me not to escape. Let the authorities come for us instead. Then there was gunfire. He was firing at his enemies with a machine gun. Those who were at the escape hatch fled abandoning us once again. It's like a nightmare with no end and to wake up means a certain death. Then somebody from outside the bus threw a canister. It forced out a black smoke that is so painful to the eyes and putrid smelling to the nose. People started screaming. We cannot breathe. Some ran in front of the bus but Mister Mendoza warned them of stray bullets. It was too late. One was hit on the head, the other was hit on the shoulders. Bullets were now flying. Its like the authorities thought we were all dead. Mister Mendoza finally admits his mistake and said sorry to everyone, dead or alive. He then ran towards the front of the bus where he would meet his maker. As he passed by my chair with bullets whistling overhead, I clutched my hand on the velvet curtain and wrapped it around my face. All I could think of was to stay alive - for my child who is waiting for me back in Xinjang. I know I will survive,
I will come home.
Bang Lu Min
Survivor, Quirino Bloodbath
Mr. Mendoza was already upset even before he saw on television what the policemen did to his brother. The other tourists who remained inside the bus were complaining. Wei Ji Jiang wanted to go to the bathroom. Dao Chi Yu was hungry and the rest were just groaning and whining like they have forgotten that our lives rest in Mr. Mendoza's hands.
The hostage taker, as you know him was really nice. He treated us okay and even let the elders and the children leave the bus. He said your policemen treated him unfairly. He was a policeman too and was accused of doing something he had no knowledge of. But your government didn't listen so he used us to get everyone's attention.
Things would have never turned for the worst if he didn't see how his family was dragged out of their house and taken into custody. He was watching the news all the time as we huddled around each other behind the bus. He shouted some words in your language then started shooting in the air. A girl about my age started screaming. Mr. Mendoza demanded her to stop but she didn't understand English. God, he had to slash her neck with a knife just to put her to rest. Her boyfriend who tried to hit him was shot in the head.
Tension was rising. You can see in his face how scared and confused he was. The bus driver ran away leaving him alone with strangers from a distant land. I can see him walking across the aisle, sometimes pointing his machine gun to one of the tourists. But he tried his best not to hurt us, especially those who really cooperate.
I guess its in your nature not to inflict pain on others unless it was necessary. I remember him saying that he will free us before sundown and implored us to forget everything when we return home. But his words don't matter now. The policemen were trying to force their way in, while we all lied down to shield ourselves from bullets. Mister Mendoza blindly shoots at his enemies which I think kept them from rescuing us. I hear sobs under the chairs. Some were even shouting the names of their loved ones even when the air merely eat their words. Kevin Tang tried to escape when the glass door was was shattered, but one shot and he slumped on the floor with blood gushing from his mouth.
Heavy rain pitter-pattered on the rooftop. In old Chinese saying, it means an end to a struggle. Finally, somebody was able to open the escape hatch at the back of the bus. Freedom. But I knew Mister Mendoza was still alive. I knew he was just waiting for a chance to strike back at his enemies. So I told those around me not to escape. Let the authorities come for us instead. Then there was gunfire. He was firing at his enemies with a machine gun. Those who were at the escape hatch fled abandoning us once again. It's like a nightmare with no end and to wake up means a certain death. Then somebody from outside the bus threw a canister. It forced out a black smoke that is so painful to the eyes and putrid smelling to the nose. People started screaming. We cannot breathe. Some ran in front of the bus but Mister Mendoza warned them of stray bullets. It was too late. One was hit on the head, the other was hit on the shoulders. Bullets were now flying. Its like the authorities thought we were all dead. Mister Mendoza finally admits his mistake and said sorry to everyone, dead or alive. He then ran towards the front of the bus where he would meet his maker. As he passed by my chair with bullets whistling overhead, I clutched my hand on the velvet curtain and wrapped it around my face. All I could think of was to stay alive - for my child who is waiting for me back in Xinjang. I know I will survive,
I will come home.
Bang Lu Min
Survivor, Quirino Bloodbath
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