Can You Blame Me?

For almost a decade, i bared my soul to you. And each time, you never made me feel you cared about how i feel. I felt rejected. There were nights I was crying myself to sleep. Did you even notice? And if you did, did you even bother to ask me why? No, you didn't.

And now, that I have finally found someone whom i can talk to, whom i can bare my soul with, who made me feel they care, when all of these things i should be getting from you, can you blame me for actually giving this person the attention that i have been giving you for almost a decade that you never gave a damn about? can you blame me?

Daddy's Gurl...

Being a father of 8 crazy children and 5 apos is a never ending torture. But my dad, does it just like a breeze of the wind during summer.

I will never forget how he always manages to bring a sumptuous meal on our table in spite the crisis and the number of mouths to be fed.
I will never forget how he always make every occasion very special in his most simple way.
I will never forget how he always manages his time to attend school meetings, presentations, his work, his responsibility as a lay minister in our parish and his extra curricular activity - mountaineering that is.
I will never forget how quietly he keeps to himself all the worries so we don't have to worry ourselves.
I will never forget how good he is in telling jokes as same as gospel stories.

I will never forget when he became my prince charming, stormed at my school without thinking how does he look when he heard i just got out from a hostage drama.
I will never forget how he always bring me boquet of flowers everytime i have theater presentation. take note, he does make an entrance, stopping the entire curtain call. hehehe!!!
I will never forget how he proudly went in front of my college batch mates with their parents and said "yang mga anak nyo, kahit ano pa ang mga kalokohan ng mga yan nag iisa lang yan". most of them were moved and was left teary eyed.
I will never forget how he kissed my forehead to say sorry for he did not allow me to go to Bacolod with Mama. (and i was pretending to sleep)
I will never forget how he makes "lambing" up to this time and asks me to sit on his lap.
I will never forget how he calls me sweetheart or wishart.
I will never forget how he makes me dye his hair on Sundays.
I will never forget how he said "you are almost a daddy's girl".

Well... i am proclaiming myself as one!

I AM A DADDY'S GURL. and I AM DAMN PROUD OF IT.

To my daddy-o, sir john, daddy lolo, bibi, butch, tito john, john f. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY. YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND. I am truly blessed to have you as my dad. I am and forever will be a PROUD DAUGHTER.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

THANK YOU FOR BEING THE GREATEST MAN IN MY LIFE.

and to all the FATHERS - special mention my kuya Ryan, you are one of a kind! It does take a whole lot of everything to be deserving for the title FATHER.

The Last Phone Call

"... hello?...."
"nasan ka?"
"nasa room mo?"
..............................

"...magsalita ka naman..."
"... please..."
.........
.........
" i love you..."

* tears continued to flow and is still flowing for as long as i can still hear the voice repeating over and over my head...

Purple Violets turned BLACK...

after a month and 5 days...

just like what happened 16 years ago...

its gone again, just like that. its over.

promises are indeed made to be broken.

is it too much to say that "i wish it never came back if it weren't meant to stay?"

F*cking Liars...

I have never felt so betrayed my entire life... not until last night.

F*ck you all liars.

Relationship 101

After all the love, lust, thrills and excitements... a once in a while but soulful conversation will keep you together.

Purple Violets...

Last Sunday, I met an old friend.

We reminisced those good ol' days and re-acquainted ourselves. Secrets were revealed and some feelings were restored.

We may be miles apart and years has been counted before we were able to just speak with each other again... but we both know that we're still close, we're still us... just the way we used to be... just grew older...

i miss you bogus!

i love you, always have, and always been.

On this day, I salute...

...these women in my life who continuously inspire me with their wisdom, strength and, passion.

To my friends; ayen, bambi, claris, kat and nica, who are in the early stage of motherhood.
To my sisters ate kermin and chryss.
To my 2nd mothers; lola and mama.
To the mothers of ALL my friends.

Most of all, to my one and only mommie - pat, momi pat, mommy lola - who is not just a mother, but a so much loved sister and a best friend.

and to all the mothers in the world...

Thank you and a salute for being just who you are.

Define H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S

having someone who can dig you... into your soul.

Lonely but not alone.

I am, for quite sometime now. No matter how many friends and parties, surrounds me… no matter how my family and I keep in touch…

Drowning myself with work, goals, superficial happiness has been a very good and effective façade to protect myself. I got hurt (bigtime!) and I am sure I am not ready to through with it again.

But at the end of the day, the feeling of “something is missing” is still there and it keeps on growing. Many are willing to commit, I just don’t want to for so many reasons. Until someone has told me, “bakit kasi para sayo, lahat kailangan may dahilan? Hindi naman lahat merong dahilan.” (why do you always look for reasons, when not everything has).

Reality has slapped me once again, and then I realized, feeling lonely when not alone….is a choice.

DISCLAIMER: needed to translate in english for my dear friend Shireen!

Jacks - Love & Other Disasters...

Maybe true love is a decision. You know, a decision to take a chance with somebody. To give to somebody. Maybe love isn't something that happens to you. Maybe it's something you have to choose.

suddenly... i think i am..

i've been smoking and drinking lately... more than i used to be...

is this it? the one that they've been telling us about that it is harder the second time?

after 14 months of being away from my comfort zone, being independent and domesticated, being a foreigner...

suddenly... i think i am...

homesick.

RISK...

"Bakit tayo takot lumundag sa walang kasiguraduhan? Papaano natin malalaman kung hindi tayo tatapak sa dilim?" - Caregiver 2008

This made me thinking... oo nga naman. Life is all about taking risks anyway.